Amy Schilling Photography Blog

August 19, 2011

these days are numbered

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Tonight Avery wanted me to rock her to sleep. And after two rounds of Row, Row, Row Your Boat and half an Itsy Bitsy, she told me to stop singing. Then she just laid her head on my chest and after I heard the even breaths that let me know she was asleep, I held her a little tighter and rocked a little longer.

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Lately I hear, "Hold me. Hold me. Hooold meeeh. Hold me." A LOT. When Avery was really small I saw a mom in public refuse to hold her begging child and then reprimand him in a really mean way. And it's true, I don't know the circumstances or what she'd been through that day, but her tone was laced with anger and a toddler can't understand adult problems. I guess my point is, I never want to be that parent. It's not always easy, I can't (and don't) always give in to her demands but I do make an effort to grab a hand, give a kiss, sit her on the counter while I work...include her in some way when she's needing my attention. And it's always in my head to try and watch my tone, to think before I speak. But imperfection and I are like thisclose and there are days when I think she couldn't possibly make one more mess or I might put myself in time out just to get a break.

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It seems that at two, Avery wants to test me at every turn. Last Friday was a two bath kind of day. A whole slew of things happened before breakfast was even over. We've pulled an infinite number of crazy random things out of her mouth over the last two weeks. Like an earring, the tip of a DS stylus, a piece of a barbie mattress, and the list goes on. I literally saved her life earlier this week after she nearly choked on a pearl that she bit off of a headband. She suddenly cannot leave the dogs alone when it's time to eat because "Harper hungy. Need dog wood." And oh - while she's at it, she may as well mess with the water bowl! I went to check the laundry and I'm not kidding - I was in the room by myself, pulled down the dryer door, then turned to the washer and added soap then turned back to the dryer and a wet diaper was on the dryer door, no naked baby in sight. Seriously can't turn my back for a second with this girl!

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Oh, but she's sweet! The kisses, the hugs, the ridiculously faux sad faces - they all more than make up for the crazy days. Because these days of wanting to be held, of asking to be rocked to sleep? They'll not last forever. There's an end to these days. Avery and I found ourselves chatting with an 82 year old gentleman while waiting in a check-out line recently. He said he used to have a couple of little blond haired girls with pretty blue eyes, but they're all grown up now. He said when people ask him about the best time of his life, there's no doubt it was back then. Raising two daughters who hung onto his fingers and followed him around. Those were the days. I'm not 82, I hope I have a lot of life yet to live but I have to agree. These days are really great.

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So I'll give her two baths, I'll sing round after round of the requested "Row Row Boat," I'll read the same Diego book 18 times before returning it to the library. I'll do just about anything if it gets me an extra cuddle at the end of the day.


  1. You made me cry! You are such an amazing Mom and believe me, Avery will know it in her heart even on those teenage days when she's so mad at you she can't see straight. And, she'll be the same kind of Mom because she had the best example. Then one day, far, far in the future, when you aren't around anymore she'll say how she'd give anything to be held and rocked to sleep by you one more time. Because that's the legacy you're creating. I'm so proud of you!

  2. Awww Debbie, your sweet words made me cry! I'm so far from perfect, but I know I have a happy girl and we're trying to make the most of each day. :)


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